Sunday, May 29, 2005

Scary Shit

Well I know it's been a while so I thought now was as good a time as any to put something up new. At the moment it's about a quarter past midnight and I'm drinking coffee and typing on my computer. No, I wasn't magiacaly transported back to high school, rather after a quite evening by myself cooking and watching the Aviator my family arrived home and my stepmom asked me if I could take my little brother Jay and his cousin Catherine in to the woods behind their house to roast marshmallows. Any who, long story short it turned out to be really fun, even though we were just sitting down in the woods eighty feet from the house I actually enjoyed spending an hour and a half sitting aroud a fire with an eleven year old and a his twelve year old cousin. Now I know this should be scary enough right? I mean Scott developing paternal inclinations! But here's what makes it really fucked up. I am also apparently a pedophile. Don't worry I haven't jumped any young boys yet, but I have been rather shocked in the past couple of weeks by two distinct, but nonetheless disturbing occurances.The first happened at church when a girl beside me in line complimented me on my shoes. After the half dozen words that followed her compliment my step mother took it upon herself to introduce me to this girl and her older sister, which at the time I though reenforced my belieff that my family is secretly Jewish. (We actually went to a Chinese buffet once on Christmas day) But then while my stepmom was telling me what good girls they were I realized that the one I'd initally thought was kinda cute was also about fifteen. ( I have on subsequent occasions concluded I probably whould have realized this at the time were I not so hung-over) The second and by far more terrifying pedophile moment came when on walking past an open Knoxville News Sentinel I noticed the picture of a rather attractive young woman at the top of the page, vaguely curious I read the caption which went something like, "Webb eighth grader...," now that is ROYALLY fucked up. So there you have it folks not only do I want to be a dad, but apparently I also want to shag barely pubescent girls. It seems my feeling that we might secretly be Jewish was wrong, apparently I'm a Mormom.

More crazy shit to come,



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