Tuesday, March 29, 2005

pictures

I spent the afternoon walking around Knoxville with Mike taking pictures, something I have indirectly wanted to do for a while. First off I do not own a camera, or rather I own two that are in boxes in a basement a thousand miles away. More importantly neither of them is digital. This last constraint is a big one, because I don't actually have a desire to take pictures, just to have them, and given my rather bohemian existance and with the great distances that seperate myself from most of the people I love printed images are pretty useless any way. I suppose what this really comes down to is that recently I've realized I'll never have everyone I want to share an experince, or more accuratly my life, with around at once. This is, I think, a good thing. I don't necissarily want, for example, my mom with me while I'm hitting on a young woman at a party, or getting drunk with my friends. Yet, it is also a huge problem in that I interact with all of my friends, both individuals, and groups of friends totally differently. This is why I'm always a little uncomfotable in church when they talk about wearing two faces, "two," I think "I've worn four today alone." the fact that I always express myself differntly dosen't bother me, but the fact that I have to try to explain these differences to my various friends does. Each of my friends knows me based on what they've seen of me and what we've done together, not from an autobiographical bio they've read. Because of this I sometimes wish I had a camera filming myself constantly; if nothing else maybe I'd begin to understand who I am. I unfortunantly can't do that, at least not without letting Fox edit it (and I think we can all agree nobody no matter how well adjusted is likely to emerge from that with fewer that a dozen major psychoses) however I think this stupid ranting online to myself might go somewhere in the right direction. If nothing else I know a whole lot more pictures will help.

Next time I see you we'll take pictures.

-Scott

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